No one knows about this blog. I have started for myself to blog about my journey through adoption. I have always wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember. I'm not so sure how my husband really feels. He says now that he is more open to the idea than he was before but I'm not sure if he is just appeasing me.
We have 3 biological children. Elijah is 6, Tyler is 4, and Izzy is 22 months. We have a great family. The American Dream! I guess. It just doesn't feel complete to me. I know that there is a little child out there that is mine. Waiting for mommy to come get him or her. I don't see how you could show that love of Christ anymore clearly than to adopt an orphan. But I guess I am jumping ahead of myself.
I have 3 sisters, 2 of which have adopted children. They have adopted children b/c they are unable to have children of their own. I haven't told them that Craig and I are going to adopt. Maybe I shouldn't tell them until Craig can tell me that he whole-heartedly wants to go through with this. I told mother and she seemed a little hesitant about it. She just wants to be sure this is not something I am forcing on Craig. Maybe I am. So from this day on, I won't say anything else about it to him. I am going to let him bring it up. He is just worried about the financial aspect that is involved. Which leads me to another concern I have. Dept.
We have a lot of debt. And when I say a lot, I mean $40,000 of debt! It is my fault. Instant gratification. I am not self-controlled. And the sad part is that I have spent a lot on credit cards just to get a "deal". I don't even want to think about how much I am and already have paid for some things! Makes me sick to my stomach. I keep telling myself that I need to just shred all the cards but I am scared to. I am afraid that some emergency will come up and we won't have a means of payment. This is a struggle of my faith. I know that we have family and friends that would help us out if we needed help but I still hold on. #1 goal of next year (2011): payoff half our debt!
I feel like I am rambling and I guess I am. I was very excited about this journey until I talked to mother. Maybe I am just on an emotional high. Maybe we aren't supposed to adopt. But why would I have this desire in my heart? We recently went to a concert (A Night with the Chapmans) and they entire concert was awesome. God was there. The Chapmans have adopted 3 children and have an organization (Show Hope) for adoption. I am know a sponser. I want to do more than sponser. I want to parent.
I don't know how or even if this will happen. I have committed to fast and pray on the 14th of every month until God has revealed to me and to Craig and our families what we are to do. This blog will be a chronicle of my journey.
